Don't Lose Your Head
by LeapOfFaith29
Summary: Maureen doesn't want to go to dinner at Joanne's parent's house because her mother hates Maureen. What craziness could happen at the Jefferson household? R&R! Mostly PostRENT. But Angel lives cuz I said so. Rating changed to M for some language.
1. Prologue: No Way Can I Be What I'm Not

A/N: I haven't really written a story about Maureen and Joanne yet, and I only had four stories, and I had nothing to do today so I wrote this. This is just the Epilogue so that's why it's so short. I am trying to make my chapters longer, and remember, reviews help keep the story going. In other words, I really only want to continue this if I get enough reviews. If I do, I promise, the story will get good.

"Maureen! We're going to be late!" screamed Joanne.

"Pookie, I'm coming!" yelled Maureen. The truth was Maureen was stalling. She had no desire to go to dinner at the Jefferson's. First of all, Mrs. Jefferson hated her. Mr. Jefferson wasn't so bad, he always asked her how she was, and how things were going with his daughter, and called the house a lot. But it was obvious that Joanne's mother hated Maureen. Second of all, they would be having ziti for dinner. Ziti with mashed potatoes and vegetables. All the foods she hated. I mean, who has a meal with ziti and mashed potatoes together? That was insane. She would rather be planning a new protest. A protest about how she thought lesbians should be accepted. That was another thing about Mrs. Jefferson. She didn't approve of lesbians. Well, in this case, Maureen was bi, but Mrs. Jefferson didn't have to know that. It would just make matters worse.

Maureen didn't really like Mrs. Jefferson either. She was always yelling at her about getting a real job, and wearing not so slutty clothes, and acting like a civilized human being.

'Whatever,' thought Maureen. 'I don't have to take her shit this time. I'll just tell Joanne I can't go. I have a really bad stomachache. Yea, that'll do it.'

"MAUREEN!" screamed Joanne.

"Honey bear, could you please come here for a sec?" asked Maureen in her sweetest voice.

Joanne walked furiously into the room. "What?" she snapped.

"Oh pookie. My tummy hurts. It feels like I'm gonna throw up. Ughhhh…" said Maureen innocently with the puppy face.

"Oh no, not this again Maureen. Every time we're invited to my parent's house, you always say you're sick in some way," said Joanne. "Stomach aches, back pains, head aches, you even said you had the chicken pocks and drew dots with red marker on your face. I've had enough. No more lying. You're going this time," said Joanne firmly.

"But honey bear," complained Maureen. "I'm not lying this time! My stomach really does hurt!"

"How can I believe you, if you never tell the truth?" asked Joanne.

"I do too tell the truth! My stomach hurts from thinking of enduring your mother's insults!" said Maureen. "Have you ever noticed the way she looks at me? It's creepy."

"I know my mother can be a little harsh sometimes, but it's all constructive criticism," said Joanne.

"Oh, like about me wearing slutty clothes?" asked Maureen sounding hurt.

"Yes, but you know Maureen," said Joanne. "I like your slutty clothes," she whispered seductively in Maureen's ear.

"Aw, really?" asked Maureen giggling. "Well, I guess I could go for this one dinner…"

"Great! You know I love you baby," said Joanne. "And maybe when we get back late tonight, we can have a little fun." Joanne kissed Maureen passionately on the lips.

"Sounds good to me," said Maureen.

Joanne left the room.

"Okay, first I gotta pick out an outfit," said Maureen aloud. She looked through dozens of drawers and closets and finally found a black belly shirt with the words 'Go get laid' on it, and a pair of jeans with a lot of rips in them. Maureen had decided she wouldn't be sweet little Maureen with pig tails and a lollipop in her hand, but rebel rocker Maureen, with just a touch of slut.


	2. Don't You Wan't Your Girl Hot?

A/N: I actually got two chapters out in the same day! Woohoo! I'm very proud of myself. Anywho, thanks to all the great reviews, I've decided to continue the story. And just a reminder, reviews make me update sooner! So after you read this chapter, I think you know what to do.

'Here we go,' thought Maureen. She stepped out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

"Hey baby," she said.

"Oh my god," said Joanne. "You are not wearing that to my mother's house Maureen!"

"But you said you like my slutty clothes!" said Maureen.

"Yes I do…but what do you think my mother will say?"

"Aw pookie, c'mon. I'm not gonna try to be something I'm not! I'm not gonna be sweet little conservative Maureen this time. I'm gonna be myself! Don't you want your girl hot?"

"Honey, you know I love you, but you are absolutely not wearing that! My mother will have a fit. Come on, we're going to change into something nicer," said Joanne.

"No! I'm not going to change who I am just for your mother Jo!" said Maureen.

"Your not gonna change who you are Little Miss Drama Queen, just your clothes," said Joanne.

"But my clothes are who I am! If your mother is going to accept us, she's going to have to know the real me! Not just me as an act I'm putting on for her! I want to wear these clothes!" pouted Maureen. "Oh please pookie?"

"We're so late right now. I don't have time for this Maureen. Fine wear it. But can you at least change your shirt?" pleaded Joanne.

"No," said Maureen. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right."

"Whatever, let's just go," said Joanne.

'I can't wait to see the look on that woman's face when I walk in her front door," thought Maureen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maureen and Joanne were sitting in the car on the way to the Jefferson's house. Joanne had on her favorite station, WMUR, the conversation station. It was just boring people talking about boring stuff like the government, and the country. Maureen hated every boring word of it.

"Honey puh-lease change the station! It's sooo boring!" complained Maureen.

"No," said Joanne.

Maureen changed it to her favorite Rock n' Roll station.

"Mo, change it back!" said Joanne. "They were just talking about the state's legislature!"

"Oh, god forbid we don't know what's going on with the state's legislature!" mimicked Maureen.

"Turn it back!"

"No!" said Maureen. She turned up the volume.

"MAUREEN!"

"JOANNE!"

"TURN IT BACK!"

"NO!"

CRASH.

"What was that?" said Joanne.

The two women got out of the car. Neither of the two could see very well, so Joanne turned on the headlights.

"Oh my god," said Maureen. "Joanne? What is it?"

"I think…it's a cat."

"Oh no!" said Maureen. "The poor little kitty! Joanne we have to do something!"

"No way. We are not going to get involved," said Joanne.

"But pookie! He's hurt! We can't just leave him here! We have to take care of him!" protested Maureen. She picked him up and cuddled him.

"Maureen! Put it down! Your hugging road kill! I'll make a call to an animal shelter or something Maureen. We are not taking it with us."

"It's not an it! He's a he!"

"How do you know?"

Maureen giggled.

"I'm calling the animal shelter," said Joanne.

"Okay…" said Maureen. What Joanne didn't know was that Maureen had a plan up her sleeve.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joanne was on her cell phone. "Hello? Yes, this is Joanne Jefferson, I was driving and I accidentally hit a cat. Could you please some pick it up?" Joanne told them the location.

"Alright thank you. Bye," Joanne hung up. "We don't have time to wait for them to get here, so we gotta go now."

"Alright pookie," replied Maureen. While Joanne was on the phone, Maureen had sneaked the injured cat into the back of the car, hoping Joanne wouldn't notice. Maureen loved cats, and she knew the brain dead animal shelter would just put him to sleep. She would not let that happen. And besides, this would be another part of her brilliant plan to scare Mrs. Jefferson out of her wits.

They had only driven a couple miles when Joanne said,

"Holy shit, what is that smell?"

"Um, it's probably the deviled eggs I made for tonight. I guess they went bad or something…" lied Maureen.

They drove on. Finally they arrived at The Jefferson House. It looked like a perfect home, complete with gardens, flowers, and a path leading up to the front door. On the way up the path, Maureen grabbed a couple dead flowers from the garden to give to Mrs. Jefferson. Luckily, Joanne didn't notice. What Joanne did notice, was the flies flying around Maureen's shirt front.

'Probably from hugging the unconscious, smelly cat,' thought Joanne. 'But we can't do anything about that now.'

They walked up the front steps and rang the door bell. It was answered by a tall woman in all pink. When she saw Maureen she nearly fainted. All she could say was,

"Help us lord," and she looked toward the ceiling.

"Come now Mrs. Jefferson, don't lose your head," grinned Maureen.

A/N: THE END! Heehee just kidding. That is defiantly _not_ the end. I have plenty more surprises left in store for Mrs. Jefferson. This is where the maniacal laugh comes in! Muhuahahaha! Ok, so anyway, if you thought this was to long too long, or too short, or whatever, just review and give me suggestions, or tell me what you liked about the chapter!


	3. Everbody Stares at Me

A/N: I feel this story needs a lot of updates in a short amount of time so here's chapter 2! And there's no need for a disclaimer on this story because the characters are obviously not mine, but the plot is. So anyway, enjoy, and review!

"Oh my god," said Mrs. Jefferson. "You're out of your mind Maureen Johnson, out of your mind. Those clothes are absolutely atrocious. Did you two even consider that you're an hour late? The food is getting cold. And, what is that terrible smell?"

"Mother, please. Not tonight. Let's just start over. Mom, I'm sure you remember Maureen."

"Yes. I'm afraid I do," stated Mrs. Jefferson.

"How do you do Mrs. Jefferson?" Maureen asked politely.

"Not very well since I saw the state your in," she replied.

Maureen held out her hand expecting Mrs. Jefferson to shake it. She didn't.

"Well Joanne, wouldn't want to leave you out in the cold would we?" said Mrs. Jefferson. "Please, come in, come in." Joanne walked in, and Mrs. Jefferson shut the door in Maureen's face. Joanne walked back out.

"Come on Maureen," she said while grabbing her hand to pull her inside.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kitten!" exclaimed Mr. Jefferson. "Your home! Oh and I remember this lovely lady! How are you Maureen?"

"I'm fine, thanks Mr. Jefferson," she replied. Mr. Jefferson stared at her awhile before they shook hands.

"I say," said Mr. Jefferson. "What is that horrible smell?"

"Let's just walk into the dining room shall we?" asked Joanne.

They walked into the dining room to the wonderful smell of baked ziti and warm mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables.

"Mm, smells delicious darling," said Mr. Jefferson.

"Yes, it really does mom. My favorite meal!" said Joanne.

"I'm glad you two like it," said Mrs. Jefferson.

Maureen made a gagging noise.

"Maureen, are you feeling a tad bit sick?" asked Mrs. Jefferson.

"Oh, no, I just don't favor the smell of your _atrocious_ food," mimicked Maureen.

Mrs. Jefferson decided to ignore the comment, and they all sat down at the table.

"Maureen, you are our honored guest tonight. Would you like to have the pleasure of saying grace?" asked Mr. Jefferson.

"Um, sure. Grace," said Maureen. The Jeffersons all laughed.

"Oh no darling, grace is the prayer we say before we eat a meal," said Mr. Jefferson. Mrs. Jefferson smiled maliciously.

"Oh, I've never said grace before. I really don't know how to do it," said Maureen.

"It's quite easy Maureen. Go on, you are our honored guest after all," said Mrs. Jefferson. Then she smiled the creepy smile she always gives Maureen before something embarrassing happens.

"Um alright, but only because you insist Mrs. Jefferson," smiled Maureen. Oh, she would say grace alright. "Yo, god. Thanks for making Adam fuck Eve so we could be alive."

Everyone gasped.

"Was that good?" asked Maureen smiling. "I actually am feeling a little sick right now, I'm just going to head out to the car for a minute."

"Maureen…" began Joanne.

"I'll be back in a second pookie," said Maureen. Mrs. Jefferson cringed. She always hated when Maureen called her daughter pookie.

Maureen ran out to the car for the second phase of her plan. She just hoped it would work.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maureen opened the trunk of Joanne's car. There was the cat flies all around it, and miraculously, still alive. There was no bloodshed. In fact, Maureen didn't even think it was hurt too much. Maureen carefully lifted the cat out of the trunk, and softly talked to it.

"Okay, I need you to go in there, and cause chaos," she said to him. "If you do, I'll keep you, and name you Mittens." Mittens purred.

"That's what I like to hear," said Maureen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm back!" said Maureen with the cat behind her back. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I do apologize to you especially Mrs. Jefferson. I told you I've never said grace before," she grinned. Mrs. Jefferson acted like she heard nothing. Mr. Jefferson laughed silently.

"So Joanne, I hear your working on a new case. The Merchet? How is that going?" asked Mrs. Jefferson.

"Oh, it's…" started Joanne. But she was interrupted by a loud mew. "What was that?" asked Joanne. Maureen let out a loud burp.

"Sorry, my bad. My burps come out sorta funny sometimes," said Maureen.

"Well, aren't you going to say excuse me?" asked Mrs. Jefferson.

"You're excused," said Maureen. Mr. Jefferson snorted in his mashed potatoes.

At that moment there was another mew, and hissing sound.

"What in god's…" but Mrs. Jefferson didn't have time to finish her sentence before the road kill, smelly cat Mittens, took off down the long table. His muddy footprints got in every inch of food that was on the table.

"Ahh!" screamed Mrs. Jefferson. Now it was Maureen's turn to snort into her mashed potatoes.

The cat ran all around the table for a while, Mrs. Jefferson shrieking as it did so, and finally stopped and ran out the door.

"I knew that cat was lucky," whispered Maureen.

At this point everyone had mashed potatoes and ziti on their clothing. Mrs. Jefferson was furious.

"My new sweater! It's absolutely ruined!" she started to cry.

"Oh it's alright sweetie," coaxed Mr. Jefferson. "We can buy you a new sweater. It's not like that cat did this on purpose."

Mrs. Jefferson slowly turned to Maureen and stared at her for a long time.Maureen had an innocent expression on her face. After awhile Mrs. Jefferson said,

"Oh, I think it did."

A/N: I hope this was another long one! Review please!


	4. This Diva Needs Her Stage

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, a lot has been going on. Mostly with my new story Chicken Soup for the Bohemian Soul. Anyway, I wasn't quite sure where to go with this chapter, so if it seems a little weird, I'm sorry. Oh, in case you haven't noticed I'm basing the character of Mrs. Jefferson on another mother…one from my favorite ABC family show. Guess her name, and the next chapter is automatically dedicated to you! Ok, so R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, or the song Dancing Queen. :D

"What do you mean Mrs. Jefferson?" asked Maureen. Apparently, Mrs. Jefferson hadn't heard her.

"Look at this place! It's a mess! My beautiful walls and ceiling and…my chandelier!" whined Mrs. Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson was silently laughing again.

"It's okay Mom," said Joanne. "The maid will clean up everything."

"And I have an idea where to go since we haven't eaten dinner yet!" said Maureen.

"Maureen…" whispered Joanne. "Please don't say what I think you're going to say."

"Greasy Mike's BBQ Steakhouse!" exclaimed Maureen.

"I refuse to go to eat anything at a place with the words greasy and BBQ in the title!" said Mrs. Jefferson.

"Oh, come now honey. It could be fun!" said Mr. Jefferson.

"Fun? FUN! It will not be fun!" said Mrs. Jefferson.

"Why don't we talk about it…alone? Excuse us girls," said Mr. Jefferson. They went into the den.

"Maureen! What were you thinking? You snuck that smelly cat into the car before the animal shelter could pick it up didn't you? And you've been planning all this to make my mother furious!" said Joanne.

"Okay, first of all, the smelly cat's name is Mittens! And second of all, I was just having a little fun!" said Maureen.

"A little fun? Maureen, do you even want my mother to accept us?" asked Joanne.

"No. I just want to make her go crazy," said Maureen with a smile.

"Wouldn't you rather she accept us?" asked Joanne.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I know your mother will never accept us no matter how hard I try! I always have to do something or other to please her. I always have to do things that aren't like me for her to accept me, and after tonight, she never will accept me. And I don't care!" said Maureen. At that moment Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson walked in.

"So girls, are we ready to go?" asked Mr. Jefferson.

"Yes," mumbled Maureen and Joanne. Mrs. Jefferson had a look on her face that said she really didn't want to go, and her husband talked her into it some way or another. They got into the car anyway.

"There's that awful smell again!" said Mrs. Jefferson. Joanne scowled and started up the car. Maureen smiled. So, Mittens didn't run away after all.

"Now girls, tonight since you are our guests, we'll get the bill at the restaurant," said Mr. Jefferson. This put a smile on Maureen's face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Jefferson's and Maureen walked into Greasy Mike's BBQ Steakhouse.

"Oh, it smells worse in here than in the car," said Mrs. Jefferson.

"How many?" asked the waitress.

"Four," said Joanne.

"Smoking or non?" asked the waitress.

Maureen said smoking the same time as Mrs. Jefferson said non.

"We'll take NON smoking please," said Mrs. Jefferson. Maureen mumbled a word that sounded dangerously like bitch under her breath.

"What was that dear?" asked Mrs. Jefferson in a fake sweet voice.

"Nothing," said Maureen fake smiling.

They were seated.

"Oh I'm starving," complained Mrs. Jefferson. She looked at the menu. Her face wrinkled in disgust.

"This looks interesting," said Mr. Jefferson.

Soon, everyone knew what they wanted. The waitress came over.

"What drinks would you like to start off with?" she asked.

Everyone said water, except Maureen.

"I'll have a beer," she said. The waitress left.

"So, where are you girls living these days?" asked Mr. Jefferson.

"We have an apartment on 16th street," said Joanne. "There's a great view of the city around there."

"Oh yea, people get mugged right out our window!" said Maureen.

"Maureen…" mumbled Joanne.

"Why, that's terrible! You must not live in a good area," said Mrs. Jefferson.

"Oh no it's a great area! We're in walking distance of our friend's apartment. Roger, Mark, and Collins. Roger had AIDS, and just got out of withdrawal. He's dating a stripper named Mimi who also has AIDS. Collins is gay, had AIDS, and is dating our other friend Angel. He's a drag queen, and he has AIDS too!" said Maureen. Mrs. Jefferson looked like she was about to faint. Luckily the drinks arrived.

"What would you all like to eat?" asked the waitress.

"I'll have the grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce and mayonnaise," said Mr. Jefferson.

"I'll have the grilled chicken ceaser salad," said Joanne.

"I'll have nothing, thank you," said Mrs. Jefferson.

"You just said you were starving, honey!" said Mr. Jefferson.

"Not anymore," mumbled Mrs. Jefferson.

Ignoring her, Maureen said, "I'll have the Greasy Mike's bottomless greasy BBQ chicken platter. You know, the one that's $30.00. Oh, and could I have one of those kid's placemats with crayons?"

"Coming right up," said the waitress with a smile.

Everyone was speechless, so they all sipped their water quietly. Maureen gulped down her beer and asked for another, and another, and another, and another. Meanwhile, she wrote swears on the placemat. After a half an hour of waiting for their food, it came. By the time it did, Maureen was flat out drunk.

"YES! THE FOOD'S HERE!" yelled Maureen.

"Maureen, quiet down," said Joanne.

"NNNNNNO!" said Maureen. She began to eat her dinner very sloppily. She got sauce all over her clothing and face. She chewed with her mouth open. She chewed noisily. Mrs. Jefferson thought she was going to have a heart attack. Maureen jumped up on the table. She began to perform her protest.

"Last night, I had a dreeeeeam!" she yelled. "I found myself in a dessert called Cyberland. It was hot, my canteen had sprung a leek and I was thirsty! Speaking of thirsty, can I get another beer?"

"I think you've had enough beer Maureen, now get down!" said Joanne.

"NO!" she began to sing. "DANCING QUEEN! PICK UP YOUR TAMBORINE! EAT A CLEMENTEENE!"

The waitress came over. Maureen kissed her on the lips.

"Maureen!" said Joanne. "That's it we're getting out of here." Joanne dragged Maureen out of the restaurant, leaving her parents to pay the $142.00 bill, and the waitress standing there, shocked.


	5. Are You Still My Baby?

A/N: Ok, since no one guessed the ABC mother from the last chapter, I will give you another hint. Her first name is Emily. She is on ABC family. She reminds me of Mrs. Jefferson. Tell me her last name, and what show she's from, and you get the next chapter dedicated to you. Now, on with the story!

The car ride home was silent, except for the angry glares of Mrs. Jefferson, which spoke a thousand words. They said, 'I really have it in for you now Maureen Johnson.' Maureen didn't like those looks, but in a way, she found them challenging. And Maureen Johnson never passed up a challenge.

They finally got home to the sound of beeping on the answering machine. Mr. Jefferson pressed the button.

"Hi, this is Mark Cohen, Maureen and Joanne's friend."

"MARKY!" yelled Maureen.

"Apparently, your apartment is infested with bugs. We forgot you were at Joanne's parent's house, and when Roger and I walked in with the key you gave us, there were roaches everywhere. Roger called the exterminator, and he's over there trying to get the bugs out. He said it's probably going to be an overnight job, so you're going to have to stay there until tomorrow. See you then, bye." The machine clicked off.

"You gave your friends a key to your apartment, and not your own parents Joanne?" said Mrs. Jefferson. "That's quite irresponsible."

"Woohoo! A night at the Jefferson's'!" said Maureen. "Hey, do you guys got any beer?"

"No we do not, and I have had enough of you Maureen Johnson! You are not staying in my house overnight!" said Mrs. Jefferson. "Joanne, you are welcome to stay as long as you'd like, but Maureen is not staying in my house another second!"

"Honey, let me talk to you," said Mr. Jefferson. "It's really not fair to kick her out like that."

"After what she has put me through, I most defiantly think it is," she said.

"Oh come on, Jeffy," said Maureen. "Let me stay. It'll be fun. Like a sleeeeeepover!"

"Go find a hotel you slut," said Mrs. Jefferson.

"Come here now Fiona!" said Mr. Jefferson. Mrs. Jefferson walked angrily into the other room with Mr. Jefferson.

"How could you Maureen?" said Joanne. "You know this night was supposed to help your relationship with my mother! But it just ruined what was left of it!"

"Whoa, you're hot. Have we met?" said Maureen.

"Yes, we have. And you know what? You better not come crying to me when you have a hangover from hell tomorrow morning," said Joanne.

"I wanna lick you," said Maureen stumbling over her words.

"That's it Maureen. I quit. We are done," said Joanne.

"Aw, don't leave me Jo! You said we would have fun tonight!" said Maureen.

Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson came back from the other room, and Mrs. Jefferson stomped up the stairs.

"Maureen, you can stay, but only if you and Joanne stay in separate beds," said Mr. Jefferson.

"That's a great idea Dad," said Joanne. "That's just what we need right now."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maureen lay on the couch uncomfortably. The couch was so damn itchy, and the blanket was even more so. What did she do to deserve this? Oh yes, now she remembered the night. Her plan had gone beautifully. It was the icing on the cake when Mark called about the fake roaches. Maureen chuckled to herself. Perfect. Mrs. Jefferson would finally leave them alone. But then, she remembered what Joanne had said to her just an hour before. Shit. She suddenly felt empty. How could she have let this happen? She loved Joanne. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Wait, did she just say she loved Joanne? Yea, maybe she did love her. She couldn't take it anymore.

Maureen got out of bed and walked up the stairs to the guest bedroom. She opened the door quietly. There was Joanne, sleeping. Maureen loved to watch her sleep. She climbed into the bed, and snuggled close to Joanne.

"What are you doing?" Joanne said pulling away.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't want things to turn out like this. I just wanted your mother to leave us alone. Would you please forgive me?" asked Maureen.

"Maureen, you know I love you, but you were way out of hand tonight. I'm going to have to think about it," said Joanne. Maureen kissed her passionately on the lips. Joanne kissed back. The bed creaked and the sheets rustled. After about 10 minutes, both women were gasping for air.

"Do you forgive me now?" asked Maureen.

"What do you think?" asked Joanne playfully. Joanne was just about to take off Maureen's shirt, when the light clicked on.

"Maureen Johnson, you get out of my house right now," said the voice of Mrs. Jefferson.

Maureen and Joanne stood up. Maureen started to walk out of the room, when Joanne said, "Maureen wait."

"No Joanne, let her go," said Mrs. Jefferson. "And I don't ever want her to come back again. She's a dirty little whore, who can't keep her filthy hands to herself. I've always hated you Maureen, from the moment I saw you, and the only reason you are here tonight, was because my family members talked me into it. I've had enough of you. I hope I never see you again bitch."

"I hate you," Joanne whispered.

"What was that Joanne?" asked Mrs. Jefferson.

"There's only one bitch here, and it's you Mom," said Joanne.

"That's right," said Maureen.

"Joanne, I forbid you to date Maureen any longer," said Mrs. Jefferson. "She's rubbing off on you."

"No, you can't tell me what to do Mom," said Joanne.

"Joanne, it's either me, or the slut," said Mrs. Jefferson. "Choose."

"You're my baby Joanne," said Maureen. "I love you."

"That's bullshit," said Mrs. Jefferson. "You're _my_ baby. _I_ love you."

There was a long silence. Maureen stared at Joanne, Mrs. Jefferson stared at Joanne, and Joanne stared at the smelly cat that just walked in. Mittens was back. Suddenly, Joanne figured out everything. Her mother had always been a bitch, and she never noticed it, until Maureen showed her.

"I choose Maureen," said Joanne.

Mrs. Jefferson gasped. Maureen smiled. Mittens meowed.

A/N: Believe it or not, it's not the end of the story. More chapters to come! Another hint, for the mother thing, her daughter's name is Lorelei. That was a BIG hint. Ok, so review!


	6. Don't Waste My Time

A/N: Ok school started, (of course) and so as everyone else is saying, there won't be as much updates. Sorry about that, but 8th grade is tough shit. Anyway, on with the dedications, because yes it was Emily Gilmore and Gilmore Girls is my favorite show next to 7th Heaven. :D

**Courtnerrr **

**KaeGirl**

**WiThOnEtHoUsAnDsWeEtKiSsEs**

**GorgeousSmile**

**angel718- Mostly to her cuz she got it first!**

Anyway, I'm very disappointed you guys didn't guess it right away. But to make up for it, (and because I love getting reviews) there are more dedications! The next chapter is dedicated to whoever can guess who I am planning to kill! Muhuhaha! I feel so very maniacal. AND I'm not even giving you multiple choice! I am so very evil. –Evil grin- By the way, I have nothing against Canadians…Just read the chapter, you'll get it.

Maureen and Joanne stomped out of the Jefferson house, and had absolutely no intention to go back. Maureen was carrying Mittens, who was nuzzling up against her shoulder.

"I told you! I told you!" said Maureen in a singsong voice.

"Told me what?" asked Joanne.

"That your mom was a bitch!" said Maureen smiling. "And if wasn't for the brilliant scheming of me and Mittens, you wouldn't have realized it."

"Mittens and me," corrected Joanne. "So, that's what you call that thing?"

"Yep!" said Maureen. The continued walking. "Um, Joanne, where are we going?" asked Maureen as they climbed into the car.

"We're giving the boho boys a wake up call," said Joanne.

"I like the sound of that," grinned Maureen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"MMAARRRKK! RROOGGERRR!" screamed Maureen. "WAKE UP!"

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" yelled Roger. Maureen ran over to see him waking up from a night on the couch. "Maureen, holy shit, it's 1 in the morning!" he complained.

"But we have to stay here tonight!" whined Maureen.

"Sorry, Roger. She's still a little drunk," explained Joanne.

"What's goin' on?" asked a very sleepy Mark.

"POOKIE!" yelled Maureen.

"What are you doing here?" asked Mark.

"It's a long story," said Joanne. "But we can explain it over a cup of coffee."

"I have one question before we start," said Mark. "Why is that cat following Maureen around?"

"Oh that's Mittens!" squealed Maureen. "Isn't he so precious?"

"Yea, the little guy is cute," said Mark. "Where'd you find him?"

"Honey Bear ran him over with the car," said Maureen. "But I saved him."

They all heard a loud snoring noise. Roger had fallen asleep again.

"ROGER!" screamed Maureen.

"BOMB THE CANADIANS!" he yelled.

"Um, Mark? Why does Roger say random things like that when we wake him up?" asked Joanne.

"Oh, that," laughed Mark. "I dunno. He's been doing it for a while now. I kinda got used to it." They all laughed.

So after 3 cups of coffee each, a long story told by Joanne, (and a lot of interrupting from Maureen) Mark and Roger were told the tale of the night. Mark gasped and laughed in all the right places, and Roger yawned…the whole time. When Joanne and Maureen had finished the story, it was about 3:00.

"I guess we should go back to sleep now," said Roger. He ran off to his couch.

"Pookie, where are we supposed to sleep?" asked Maureen.

Mark pulled out two sleeping bags and laid them on the floor. He bundled up some blankets and threw them next to the sleeping bags.

"There you go," he smiled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where is everybody?" asked Mark when he saw Joanne reading the paper on the table the next morning.

"Maureen and Roger are still sleeping, but Collins and Angel are on their way over with groceries," she replied. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I should ask the same thing to you," he said.

"Oh, I always get up at 6:00 every morning," she said. "I always have. I don't know why. But it really helped during school." She smiled. Roger came into the kitchen.

"How'd you sleep?" asked Joanne.

"Worse than I ever have before."

"Again, sorry about Maureen, but we still have bugs in our house," she said.

"STOP TALKING SO FUCKING LOUD!" yelled Maureen from the other room.

"Wow, she's really got a hangover," said Roger. "How many beers did she have last night?"

"I lost count at 10," grinned Joanne. The loft door slid open, and there were Collins and Angel with the groceries.

"Hey bitches!" said Collins. What's up witchu Rog, you got dark circles under your eyes."

"Get ready for a long story," said Joanne. She explained about the night, and by the time she was finished, Maureen had emerged from her sleeping bag.

"I NEED ASPRIN!" she complained.

"I didn't doubt you would," said Joanne smartly.

"Smartass," muttered Maureen.

Mimi climbed through the window.

"What's up?" she asked. Joanne let out a long sigh, and began to explain what happened to Mimi.

After she told her the whole story, there was a loud crash from the bathroom.

"Maureen!" yelled Joanne. Mark, Roger, Joanne, Mimi, Angel, and Collins ran to see what happened.

They found Maureen with her head in the toilet, puking her brains out. When she was done, Joanne said, "Honey, what happened?"

"I couldn't hold my liquor!" whined Maureen. I got all dizzy, and then the vase broke, and…oh!" Maureen started to cry.

Joanne held her. There was a knock on the loft door. Maureen cringed.

"Why is everything so damn loud!" she yelled.

"I'll get it!" said Angel happily. She ran over to the door, and slid it open.

"Hello, we're Joanne's parents. We'd like to speak to her and Maureen," said a polite Mr. Jefferson. An angry Mrs. Jefferson glared at Angel with the most disgusting look on a women's face you could ever see.

A/N: Surprised? Review for the dedications! Review for RENT! Review for life! Wait, RENT is life. Ok, review for RENT!


	7. A Tiger in a Cage

A/N: So very sorry for the long wait, but I've been grounded. Yes, it sucks. And I'm writing this cuz I'm home from school. I'm "sick." Ok, so if you haven't guessed who I'm going to kill, give it another go. It might be someone you are expecting, it might not. The only way to find out is to R&R! Oh, and another dedication, (I know there's a lot) is if you can guess who I will be basing Mrs. Jefferson off of. I thought of a whole different personality for her. If you've watched VH1 lately, I think you know who I'm talking about. Yes, it's another mother. But this one is even more evil.

"Who might you be?" asked Mr. Jefferson politely to Angel.

"I'm Angel. Come on in!" she said cheerfully. Mrs. Jefferson just glared at her and mumbled something about cross dressers under her breath.

The three of them walked into the loft, to find Mark, Roger, Mimi, Collins, Maureen, and Joanne.

"Joanne! My baby!" said Mrs. Jefferson. "I missed you so much!" She ran over to Joanne, and hugged her.

"Get off of me Mom!" Joanne yelled.

"Oh honey, please give me a second chance! I can't believe you're spending your time in this disgusting pig sty!" she said.

"This disgusting pig sty is our home," said Mark. "Hi, I'm Mark Cohen. These are my best friends Roger and Collins. This is Mimi, Roger's girlfriend, and Angel, Collins's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" asked Mrs. Jefferson suspiciously.

"Yes," said Collins. "Do you have a problem with that?" Angel kissed him on the lips.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do!" she said. "I believe in God! And God said men and women should be together!"

"Well, we believe in God too," said Collins patiently. Mrs. Jefferson chose to ignore this comment.

"Joanne, I need to talk with you!" she said.

"It's important," said Mr. Jefferson. Joanne walked into Mark's room with her parents, and shut the door.

"Joanne, we're taking you back to live with us," said Mrs. Jefferson.

"Wait, that's not what we came here to talk about," said Mr. Jefferson. "We were coming over to tell you that we approve of the situation!"

"Well, not me," said Mrs. Jefferson. "You're coming back to live with us, whether you like it or not!"

And with that, Joanne's memories all came back to her…how she was never allowed to touch anything in her house because it was all very fragile…how she was never allowed to drive until she was 19…how she was never allowed to go to school dances, or have a boyfriend, or eat junk food, or…Joanne was fed up with everything. And with that, she bitch slapped her mother, right across the face.

Mrs. Jefferson began to cry. She ran out of the apartment, with her husband right behind her.

Joanne came out of the room. All of a sudden, Collins and Angel started singing.

"Ding Dong the witch is gone!"

"Which old witch?" asked Mimi and Roger.

"The Wicked Witch!" sang Mark and Maureen. All of the bohemians started dancing around the room, singing, and drinking Collins's newly purchased Stoli.

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but I have a lot more long chapters to come, and I needed to make room. Hehe, ok so review for the dedications!


	8. Boys, Girls, I Can't Help It Baby

A/N: My gaahd. So very busy. But, I finally updated! Yaay! Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to MooWitMe324 for guessing the other mother I'm basing Mrs. Jefferson on, (I know, that was such a very long time ago) which was New York's mom from Flavor of Love 2. Thank you also to all my reviewers who have helped me with this story. Alrighty then, without further ado, (I've always wanted to say that) Chapter 8!

After about the whole day of singing and drinking, everyone collapsed on the floor. Everyone, except Mark and Joanne. They were the recruits that the bohemians elected to take care of them when everyone else got hangovers. They picked up the broken Stoli bottles and cups, and threw them into the trash. They continued cleaning up the loft, when Mark asked, "Do you ever get tired of cleaning up after Maureen?" Joanne thought about this.

"Well, I guess so. But I love Maureen and I would do anything for her," she replied.

"Well, I mean, don't you ever wish you were the one she was cleaning up after?" he asked.

"I suppose," she replied. Silence. "Do you ever get tired of cleaning up after Roger and Collins?" she finally asked.

"Of course, but when people need you, you need to be there. Even at the cost of others," said Mark. This statement made Joanne think. A lot. She smiled at Mark.

"You really know what you're talking about don't you?" she asked.

"I've lived with Roger and Collins for ten years. I've been through drinking contests, high school parties, and everything else you can think of with alcohol, with them. Of course I know what I'm talking about," he said smiling. Joanne smiled back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the next day. After Mark and Joanne helped everyone up from the floor after all the passing out and drinking last night, they started handing out Aspirin. All the bohemians looked at them like they were life-savers. When everyone was finally settling down and lying in their respected beds, Joanne started to think about the night before.

'I can't believe I did that to my mother. Now, our whole family is ruined! But, my mom did try to take me away from the love of my life. Am I having second thoughts? I hate having second thoughts. Well, maybe I'll just give Mom a call, and maybe we can just talk,' she thought. She ran to the phone, and dialed her home phone number. Each ring matched with a beat of her heart. She was nervous as hell. Her father answered.

"Hello, Jefferson residence," Mr. Jefferson said politely, not expecting whose voice would be on the other line.

"Um, hi Dad," said Joanne awkwardly. There was a long silence on the other end.

"Joanne?" he finally asked.

"Yeah Dad, it's me," she said. "Um, could…could I talk to Mom?"

"Well, of course, but you know she might not want to talk to you," he said.

"Yes," she said. "I just need us to be a family again."

"I don't know if that's possible," said Mr. Jefferson. "But you can give it a shot." He handed the phone to his wife.

"Hello," said Mrs. Jefferson, with an ice cold sound in her voice.

"Hi Mom," said Joanne. "Um, I was just wondering if we could talk about what happened and-" The phone slammed down on the other line. Joanne could feel tears well up in her eyes. They soon slowly trickled down her face, and down her neck. She collapsed onto the floor and started to sob.

"Joanne? Are you okay?" asked a voice. Joanne looked up to see Mark, his face screwed up in concern.

"No," she said in a small voice. "I-I…I don't know anymore." She started to cry again. Mark wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Joanne snuggled up in his corduroy jacket, and cried until there were no more tears left in her. She looked into Mark's eyes, and saw compassion. Compassion he had never shown for her before. She didn't quite know what happened next, but she soon felt her lips on his, needing the comfort they brought. When they broke apart for air, Joanne looked up and saw Maureen, tears running down her face, her makeup running. Joanne remembered the words she had said to Mark before…

'I love Maureen and I would do anything for her.'

Joanne's heart collapsed into her stomach. But Maureen's heart had dropped even further.

"Joanne…how could you?"

A/N: I love cliffies, don't you? So…review! I made a rhyme! Yesssssss.


End file.
